Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
