tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
