I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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