So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
