Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
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