We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
