apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
