I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
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