And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize
