You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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