I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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