Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
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