Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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