Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
