you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
