you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
