I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
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