And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
