I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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