3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
