I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
