final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
