I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize