he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
