My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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