I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Randomize
