You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
