the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Swine flu. Run for my life!
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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