We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
