I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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