Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
