Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
He better not be in your backpack
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize
