tell your sister to shave her snatch
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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