gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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