As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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