You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Terrible idea I love it
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize