Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
