Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
