This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
He kissed a someone with a penis
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Randomize
