I haven't been this sober since birth.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
