doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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