You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize