its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
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