do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
