I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
i think i have two assholes
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
