I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
