take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
