I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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