We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
