You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize