I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
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