what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
