Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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