Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
