i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
There r osticjed everywhere
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
