dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
