I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
