I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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