So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
