If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
