I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
