community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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