he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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