Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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