butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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