Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Randomize
