i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
