Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
