Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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