my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
