: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Randomize
