So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
