I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
