I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
