I think I can smell my own vagina right now
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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