heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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