Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
