I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
