I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
