Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
