Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
